I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
