So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
