Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there is glitter all over my balls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
