So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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