so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
