remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
