Sry I called you an 8
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He better not be in your backpack
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
