The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
