Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
