So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
