We won't sleep together?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
