I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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