so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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