I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My feet surprised me
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