Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize