you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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