I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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