You don't have asthma, your pregnant
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
