i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
