he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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