it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
