I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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