T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She bit a glass in half.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
