You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
