I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
