Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
