I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
love makes seman taste better
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
