So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
