did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
