That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
