allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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