I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
