Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
