i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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