I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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