dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
