Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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