Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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