if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
