I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All the doctor said was why
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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