why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
