i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize