After last night, I could never be a politician.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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