why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
