i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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