This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
