I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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