How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
