He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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