I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
