He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
