At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
