How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
