I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
