Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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