Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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