happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
