i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
