he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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