Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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