twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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