she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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