now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
