i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
