Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
