haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A+ Viking dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize