Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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