Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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