Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
