if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
