i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
