She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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