____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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