Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
