so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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