i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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