her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
