can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
