Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
