so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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