we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
