Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
