Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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